Millions of people live in a state of sadness, frustration and bitterness, millions of people live in that state because life did not turn out to be what they had imagined, they could not get what they wanted, they gave up and stayed to live in a state of hopelessness .
A 32-year-old woman recently came to me for help, saying that she used to have excess energy before and enjoyed life to the full. Today, it was an effort for her to bathe, comb her hair and put on makeup, an effort that she often did not make. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep soundly because as soon as she woke up she was assailed by strong emotional pain.
She wasn’t sure what hurt her more, the sadness that her marriage had ended and now she was alone with her 2 daughters or the anger she felt towards her husband and her best friend; who had betrayed her and moved in together.
It had been two years since her husband had left her and she was still nursing hatred, anger, frustration and bitterness. I asked her what were those recurring questions that came to her mind and she replied that she constantly asked herself the following questions: Why couldn’t he have loved me as much as I loved him? Why did she have to go with my best friend? Why didn’t I realize it before? Why did God allow this to happen to me? Why was I so dumb? Why did I believe all her lies?
Exactly those questions and those thoughts are what have kept her in that state of depression and not wanting to get out of bed. If she asks herself stupid questions she will receive stupid answers and she will continue to be anchored in pain, no matter how much time passes. If you continue with those questions, with that inner dialogue that tells you: «I’m so stupid that I didn’t realize it» or «I’m so little that changed me for her», that inner dialogue will constantly hurt you and you won’t be able to heal at least decide to change the constant questions and recurring thoughts.
If she continues to focus on those self-destructive thoughts, the only thing she will achieve is to destroy herself and in the process destroy the self-esteem of her little daughters because then they lose their mother who is physically present, but emotionally absent.
We do not have the power to control what our partner does or thinks, nor our friends, we do not even have the power to control what our children think, but we can take control over what we think and do ourselves and decide to stop getting bitter life because of what other people do or don’t do.
Yes, it will hurt and it is worth feeling the pain of what happens to us, but it is our decision to stay there suffering with stupid questions and answers or we can make the decision to change those questions, change what we constantly tell ourselves, change our thoughts recurring and change the meaning of what happens to us.
Our questions may be: What can I learn from this unpleasant experience? How can I use this experience to grow? What can I do today to feel better? What can I thank God for today? What can I do with the talents I have? What do I want to do today for my family? What kind of music makes me feel happy? What thoughts give me peace and tranquility? What are the things I love about myself? How much power does a smile have?
The right questions
If you constantly ask yourself intelligent questions, you will receive intelligent answers, if you constantly ask yourself questions whose answers lead you to improve, by seeking them you will be a better person and your feelings towards yourself will be positive.
Look for the questions that help you, look for the questions that inspire you to get ahead. Reject pessimistic questions that lead to negative answers with all your being. Refuse to stay in a state of bitterness with music that keeps you in that state, change your emotional state, you have the power, do not delegate that power, because you could spend your life looking for happiness in other people and you will never find it because you have always been within yourself.
What makes him happy is not what happens to him, or what he has, or who he is; what makes him happy is what he thinks about what happens to him, what he has, who he is. Dare to take control of your thoughts and you will gain control of your feelings.